I began the week with the assumption it was going to be easy and carefree. Possibly boring. But the days had fumble after fumble- hiccup after hiccup. I found myself distracted and non-purposeful. Reacting through the hours until I stumbled into Friday. And that evening I was unable to “switch off” and switch on self care. Shortly before bed I realized I had forgotten to sauna. It was the first time this month I have not made sure to take that time at least three days of the week. I felt I had failed. I debated… had I remembered early enough to go ahead? I had not. My self care Friday night became the decision to not push. Staying up later than my body was open for only to stay on schedule to sauna would undermine the intent of what the sauna was for. Disappointing. But on the other hand, a win for going against my “devotion to the list” A+ personality and allowing myself to rest.
But I see how allowing focus to drift of my needs effected me. My body felt this wobbly week. My sleep was off. My dreams were off. My gut was off. My patience minimal.My thoughts and comprehension scattered and weak. I wasn’t satiated with meals. I was craving roasted Delicata squash like an addict. Have been for a bit in truth….but this week it interrupted thought. And sure, there are worse addictions than those for squash. But listening to a short podcast today I was slapped with the logic that those starchy Delicata squash hold a good amount of natural sugars. Is that what has me craving sweets lately? I’m a savory craver versus sweets…but those roasted squash taste like toasted marshmallows to me….. Well those starchy veggie sugars my body uses as fuel before it uses the excess fat. And becoming a fat burner is what I see my healing to gain momentum through. So it’ll be all the greens and cruciferous veggies for a while- beginning now. The Delicata and I have had a good run. But it’s time to part ways. And revise food habits.
This year is about creating habits and although many are to support creative endeavors; there is equal attention to self care. I have learned that healing & creativity do not thrive without self care. So each day I must remember to keep a side eye on that regardless of what else demands my attention. Again, I take note of the Delicata…. it’s crave-able sweet and keeps me off balance by distraction. Undermines self care for certain.
When I look at what I have laid out as my weekly/monthly goal for nurturing and healing my self it could be overwhelming. If I put time to it I’d find it a part time side hustle. But as I think on things this healing journey is preparing me for a life where I am a priority- for me and for those who will become part of my trusted circle….my tribe. A worthy investment of my time. I say that what one thinks about it brought about. And if I am unable to find a rhythm to honoring and nurturing of me….who else will?
No judgements. Just rambling observations.
What “sweet addictions” keep you from nurturing your self? Cleaning? I love a clean and organized surrounding and have used it as a distraction countless times. Binging entertainment? Just as strong a distraction. Food? Ditto. Gardening? Again with the ditto. Socializing? Those times with others can keep the focus outward versus inward…. and self is sacred. Maybe you are ripe for a few observations as well.
Inner Calm 