Value & Respect

I’ve been thinking a lot about these definitions. I recently experienced an overwhelming interaction that froze me in a trauma response. I had initiated the interaction from the place of exhaustion. At a time I felt up against the wall to tie a bow on an issue. I was left in a puddle of sobbing, ugly cry tears. A response from another persons words. It took me days to move through it. And I’m still laying foundations to save me from a repeat. In my personal thoughts, my ruminating, defending my actions and begging those that triggered me to “consider the source”…. Consider. Consider. That word hung in my mind….. I had, in a way very out of character, initiated this event that broke me open. I knew that if tables were turned and I had been on the receiving end; my irritation would have been set aside. My knowing the person had no habit of this behavior would have told me that something was at play that really mattered to them. And I would have shown up, willing to support. And that did not happen to me. I was not considered. I’ll say that again. I was not considered. What truth did that reveal? There was a deep need in me to know. I kept hearing me say it..”I was not considered”.

And I know things happen “for us” and not “to” us… and I’ve made the shift into appreciation. I know what I’ve gained and what I’ll forever carry with me because of this hurtful moment. That’s all beside the point. It was the event itself that pushed me to ponder….in order to gain the wisdom. Was I respected? Or was I only valued? Is there a difference between them?

And as a lover of words, language, and the personal interpretation of them, personal connection to them, I wondered if they were a package deal, value & respect. I’ve decided they aren’t.

Value relates to an appreciation of something…

We value our vehicle as it provides us freedom. We value time off as it relieves us our obligations. We value an employee with a good work ethic because we know we’ll not have to drain our own energy keeping them motivated and will get to channel all that time into our own task list… See where I’m headed? Value GIVES US something. Whereas Respect…

Respect requires we “consider” another. We may gain something from the consideration. Odds are, it’s the other person who stands the most to gain. When “respect”-full consideration leads, value follows. Your reaction would show the value you hold…..

Often we make an assumption that since we are certain of our value to others, that we are innately respected. Often we are wrong to do so. This I have now learned.

With three decades of workforce history and a strong work ethic I’m often the one disregarded. Nobody sees a need to motivate me, follow up with me, “deal” with me. I’m self sufficient. Self motivating. Self- disciplining. A valued and valuable key player and invisible all at once.

And once I thought on this a while I expanded my curiosity about how this can play out within our relationship to our self.

What do I value about me? And how to I back that up in my actions? I value health… which leads me to eat quality foods & hydrate. I value mental health …. which leads me to rest, retreat and recover & meditate. My personal self gains from my seeing it’s value. And how do I show my self that I respect me? When I have demands and obligations to others and my body (mentally or emotionally or physically) has run out of steam; do I consider its needs? Do I walk away knowing the list will wait? Are my actions respect-full?

I deeply believe the universe watches for our alignment. If we say we matter and choose not to back that up with actions, what else will we ask for saying it “matters so much to have” that we will also disregard? Shouldn’t we expect those wants to delay arrival until they know they’ll be valued and respected? I know I certainly don’t jump into action for anyone I know will blow off or disregard my support.

So I challenge you to ponder….. How are you taking actions (& showing respectful considerations) that align with what you value?