Are there Big T and Little T traumas? Or is trauma, trauma? And how does trauma relate to illness?
To answer this, it’s important to understand that “trauma” is not an event itself. Trauma is the post event processing state where your body holds the memory of an event as stress and this results in an ongoing state of flight/fight/freeze/fawn.
Knowing that the event itself is not the trauma explains how two people can share an experience of a significant vehicle accident and one moves on as though it never happened and the other is afraid to get behind the wheel again or isn’t able to do so without anxiety. We process events differently. Between people and within ourselves. And this is where Big T and Little T both have their impact.
Big T trauma traditionally, can be the emotional, and in turn physiological response of physical assault, loss, injury from an accident…all of those traditionally thought of BIG events that would “traumatize” a person. Little T trauma are the events we often disregard and consider insignificant such as an emotional trigger that is “turned on” as a deep response to a Big T where it may appear we are “over-reacting” to a situation, or it can be the layered impact of subtle and ongoing situations…. A relationship that isn’t supportive of your nervous system; one in which you “walk on eggshells” or fully adapt who you are in order to maintain peace (fawning). It can be the job you see no strife within though are not happy doing it. It can be chronic illness with its’ many impacts on well-being.
We’ve all heard the phrase that something was the “straw that broke the camels back”. This is how I see the Little T’s. Alone, they can be moved through. When disregarded or not felt through fully in order to release, they become a layer of the sheer muslin that can over time become a heavy “dis”-comforter.
I’ve experienced them all. I’ve endured and ended an emotionally abusive marriage. I’ve been bullied at more than one point in life from pre-teen to adulthood, targeted by children and adults. I’ve been groomed and assaulted. I’ve continued in a job that drains me…. one not resonant with the core of who I am. I’ve accumulated auto immune diagnosis and have dealt with physical pain, unresolved weight gain, hair loss, anxiety, sleeplessness, depression, emotional numbness, unworthiness and despair. My body holds it all. And there in lies trauma healing.
The auto immune diagnosis are correlated to the larger trauma impacts in my life and each individual diagnosis launched in a time of deep trigger. The first when I went against my internal guidance and married a man I shouldn’t have. This linked to a previous time of grooming when my instincts were not honored. The second, in a time when I was experiencing bullying on two fronts (at the place of employment and at the place of study). this linked to many previous events of bullying.
Metaphysically, illness can be related to events and states of being. Trauma healing is about releasing those trapped emotions by waking them from a dormant state for experience and release, or engaging with an already active stressor to release and resolve. With autoimmune, there is a battle within… the body, the self, in continual conflict with itself. And when we are in conflict with ourself, it’s often pervasive yet subtle.
Healing is layered. first you scab over, then you heal within and the scab is needed no longer.
Emotional healing, how we can feel we’ve fully processed something only to have it return, can be frustrating and seemingly endless. Some traumas have such depth that we must heal the aspects of them as we evolve and mature into the capability of handling & processing the “next layer”. And once we have any experience, we are changed. for the better or for the worse. It becomes part of us and we then see the world through lenses that have that moment imbued within it.
An example of this is how you may experience infidelity and have trust issues with those you connect with afterward when there would be no substantiated reason for you to have concern. You innately observe behaviors and link them to those that appear similar and categorize them. Good/Bad/trustworthy or not. Something such as at one time receiving flowers was endearing, you then learned each time you received them it was after an event of infidelity…. and now when you receive flowers you wonder what happened that you might be hurt by. You don’t trust the kindness. This is a stressor. It disables the rest and digest aspect of our nervous system, the parasympathetic nervous system. And when that is disabled healing is hindered. And dis-ease can manifest where once there was none. It’s the Little T energetic that undermines the PS NS in an ongoing manner that can result in illness that may appear “mysterious” when it’s not. Emotional distress is powerful whether it appears subtle or bold.
Threads run through the events of our lives and as we heal, we continue living. And this often makes emotional and physical healing a marathon.
So do I think trauma and illness are related? Without doubt. Is there is a difference between Big T and Little T trauma? Only that the first is obvious enough that we may be quicker to tend to healing from it, through it & that the Little T have more nuance. That’s it.
Both impact health, & well-being. Both have the ability to connect us or disconnect us to our faith, and internal guidance. Both have the ability to prompt us to pivot into better, healthier directions. Both have the ability to stop us in our tracks. Both have the ability to move us towards illness or health.
If you are on a healing journey. Know that it’s called that for a reason. It’s not a quick trip…. Look into somatic therapy for its roots in body-mind connection. Remain conscious and aware of your reactions to know if you are leaning towards the betterment of your path or not. Know that a lot of healing is a process of making mistakes and then learning what’s better. When you know better, do better. And give yourself grace along the way.
Inner Calm 