Eleven months ago I was about to begin vacation and something happened… a moment…In an effort to support someone a domino of events triggered a very deep emotional wound that I had regretfully not healed and simply stuck into an emotional pocket that apparently had developed a hole after all these years…. everything I’d stashed in there “out of sight” fell out.
For the past 11 months I’ve been forced to dig deeper than I’ve ever dug for healing. And I still do not have the ability to straighten my right leg, bear weight on either knee. This means no long walks, no yoga… not even yin yoga. Each have historically been moving meditations for me. So I was pushed to find other methods to still my mind. Actual meditation has become one of them.
During the past 11 months I’ve still had other triggers rise up, like cream in coffee. The purposeful stillness both physically and mentally, allowing me to connect with much needed insights with quicker speed. I’ve been able to label the emotions that rise and honor them for how they originated and how they deserved to be recognized. Oh how we neglect to feel….until often all we can do is feel… pain. Emotional pain. Physical pain. Spiritual pain.
Other than meditation, what have I done?
I bless my food. I take a moment to be present at my own table. And I’ve learned how to make sure I’m eating enough so my body knows it’s safe. A body void of safety won’t heal.
And I’ve educated myself on fasting protocols that my body responds well to.
I have returned to chlorella and spirulina and I’ve added in a variety of minerals, continued with electrolytes and added in Perfect Aminos for all the amino acids I know my body needs to heal knowing I’d not be able to eat enough protein to get the numbers it needs.
I use red light on my phone from 7pm until 7 am and I’m generally off the TV/laptop/phone at 7pm on any night I must be up for the office the following morning. It should help sleep, sometimes it does… it always helps my soul.
I’ve looked into what part I played in every moment that still has a wound to heal. And I’ve made the choice to be honest with my self about it.
I’ve redefined my relationship with the W2 and the reason behind my yearning to create a successful career of my own making. It’s important to note that it’s energetically important that I be dedicating my heart to the personal business because it’s a calling… it’s aligned with my deepest values and although as it becomes manifest, it will separate me from what isn’t in alignment. This redefining has layers. And it’s circled back a few times. Each time gifting me the opportunity to learn more.
I have leaned into my certifications of Ahai Energy Healing to balance my energy and restore my energy. Mind Body Spirit Release to release blocks I have subconsciously to the goals I’m moving towards. When the pain first launched it was so intense I was challenged to connect with my energy work… it took time for me to have the ability for stillness. I didn’t sleep more than 90 minutes at a stretch for months. Once I was able to though, I made great strides.
I’ve listened to great books and learned a lot about holy language and the nervous system. Both huge passions of mine. And I’ve become ever more aware of the words I use and the energetic they hold. I’ve written about it before… avoiding the word “but” and recognizing when I was about to use it so I knew what I was about to say that wasn’t true. “I am” is powerful and I certainly use it with respect for what I am willing to claim and not. This language awareness has laid the foundation for my learning how many ways I was avoiding honesty with my self. And it’s certainly difficult to keep making the same decisions when you know your own truth.
I have begun preparing for a new offering of a foundational numerally reading for clients. I’ll have three offerings soon… Ahai, MBSR and Numerology.
I’ve shifted thing around my living environment… lightening it up… enabling the feeling of space which I needed the energetic of. I eliminated one item that I’ve carried with me for over twenty years that held such a negative energetic weight… never ceases to amaze me what is removed when you remove things.
And there have been days where I’m nearly back to normal movement with a comfort. Not many. Some.
This weekend I reached out to connections sharing what I do… my hearts calling of Ahai and MBSR. This is a big move for me. Will it connect me to clients? Possibly. What it did for me was energetic. More than handing someone my card. It was a proclamation that I am making moves. And my movement today, actual physical movement, has a flow to it. Actions are energy. Shifts of habit. The action of stillness. The action of honesty. The action of nutritional choices. The action of following the heart. Years ago I journaled in frustration about my inability to exercise as I craved and it was then it occurred to me that I needed to “move”…. and now I am.
So as I close down for the day I urge you to ponder, what moves are you aware of needing to to be made? And what moves are you prepared to make?
Inner Calm 