Boundaries

Autoimmunity requires boundaries. Autoimmunity is an internal fight against the self. The body doesn’t understand the difference between what should be attacked and was shouldn’t be. What belongs and what doesn’t. Internally, there are no boundaries. What is not within, will always show up externally. And what is absent externally will show up internally.

When I was issued my first autoimmune diagnosis I wasn’t even informed it was an autoimmune issue. And although I had a good amount of years relating physical states with emotional I had drifted from those roots and that initial diagnosis went unaddressed. And yes, it became a bigger issue in time. I had no personal boundaries at this time of life. I was in an emotionally abusive union, and in a career I stumbled into working in environments that were disrespectful on many levels. I didn’t rest when I needed to. I didn’t eat well. I didn’t make changes within any area of my life that I needed to. I was young. Young enough that disregarding my health didn’t result in a quick backlash. Time kept ticking though. And even though the internal upset wasn’t obvious on the surface, it was still a developing storm within.

And in time I made changes. Some forced upon me and some of my choosing. I was fired. I left the abusive person. I found a new line of work that supported me far better than I had thought to hope. And you’d think that with such a monumental shift of life direction I’d find myself on a roll… that I’d blink and see a new young woman in the mirror. I didn’t. I reconnected with the abusive person for a short while. I didn’t stand up for myself when I found myself in workplace situations that were hurtful and hostile. I attracted “friends” that weren’t. I didn’t know how to say goodbye to what didn’t serve me. So I disappeared. My initial boundary was absence. I said no. I didn’t show up for most of the invites. I left those gatherings without announcement. This took years to put into action. And it remained in place for years without much else to “define my space”. And it was not a conscious move towards healing…. it was an avoidance of hurt. Those are not the same. The litany of situations I found myself in that were opportunities to draw the lines I needed to draw and didn’t are too many to count. And a second diagnosis was received.

The next autoimmune diagnosis came with great pain. Having not addressed boundaries, they were forced upon me. I had great pride that I could “push through” and pain broke that down. It was not easy. I kicked and screamed and my body kicked and screamed back. In time, years of time, I embraced rest. And there were food boundaries…no gluten, no alcohol, and due to other food sensitivities there is no corn, no rice, no millet, no quinoa. There were work boundaries….no work outside the office. There were boundaries connected to my screen time to support rest. My early rising to support my need to ease into my day. In time, an adjustment of office hours for the betterment of my soul stability. There were boundaries that led me to disconnect to those I care for to support the elimination of distractions that pipelined in through them so I could hear my own voice. And even though my separation from those I hold dear didn’t last long, those times were critically important to gaining stability.

And what else have I learned about boundaries other than they exist within every avenue of life? I’ve learned that they are either in place or they are not. Boundaries cannot have exceptions and remain boundaries. They must stay in place until you chose to open them back up, with purpose. I’ve learned that the magic of boundaries is the space they provide. And for a while, they take attention to hold up; and then they don’t. I compare boundaries to a fence. Anyone who fences in a yard knows that without some good bracing they’ll fall. So with the right amount of posts (time) dug deep enough (consistent), they remain in place even without your attention. You don’t build a fence to have today and pull down tomorrow…only to build it back up again another day. A fence is there for when you need it and when you don’t. Just like any other boundary.

And boundaries make life more enjoyable. They allow for freedom. Yes…freedom. When you cease fighting within and hear out your inner self, when you discover what things are “must have’s” and “must have not’s” you hold those discoveries close to heart. They matter. So you protect them… with boundaries. Boundaries certainly keep out the things that hinder. What they more importantly do, is hold close and protected the things that matter.

So with or without an autoimmune diagnosis, are you aware of an internal fight against yourself? How so? Might a boundary help you heal and thrive? And think on this…. Something I’ve learned to be true is that your commitment to boundaries you’ve set, is a reflection on your commitment to self. It’s a show of how much you matter to you. And your relationship with you is the one that should matter most… nobody is with you more in life than you. 🙂