I disappeared at the end of March..I know. For several weeks I moved through a cycle of an allergy driven upper respiratory infection and a series of small but entirely uncomfortable RA flares and well, everyone knows how easy it is to fall off the horse when the saddle isn’t secured. And I had only just begun this online journal…. loose saddle. But I’m back.

During my time off from writing I did a lot of reading, slept well and then didn’t. I went to yoga and I didn’t. I ate my veggies & drank my water…and I’ve paid attention to how my body feels. I have chronic inflammation from RA but under the stress of  the infection and the flares and the tight deadlines at work, which there are many, I recognized that I feel it in my right foot, my right should and my jaw. So I looked to what might help.

My discovery…my next answers…Dry brushing and lymphatic massage. Specifically for their potential benefit for those of us with Rheumatoid Arthritis.

Dry brushing requires you to brush your entire body towards your heart with a natural-bristle brush. It’s a wonderful exfoliator of course, but the really wonderful benefit is that the lymphatic system is stimulated. And lymphatic massage (which I’m on the hunt for a good practitioner now) is a very gentle massage that activates the system to unclog the drain ,so to speak, and move the lymph fluids.

And per the interweb…. The lymphatic system is a network of tissues, and organs that help rid the body of toxins, waste and other unwanted materials. It helps keep the body’s fluids in balance and clears away infection (as lymph fluid moves toward the heart and contains white blood cells..which are part of the immune system that are involved in protecting the body). RA is an auto immune disease. My system is in overdrive all the time. My muscles don’t ever fully relax and my body always thinks it has something to ward off. It’s no surprise that my lymphatic system could be clogged up.

A study on PubMed titled, Targeting lymphatic function as a novel therapeutic intervention for rheumatoid arthritis, stated as “inflammation progresses to a more chronic phase, lymphatic clearance declines and both structural and cellular changes are observed in the draining lymph node. Specifically, chronic damage to the lymphatic vessel from persistent inflammation results in loss of lymphatic vessel contraction followed by lymph node collapse, reduced lymphatic drainage, and ultimately severe synovitis and joint erosion” And it went on to say “in patients with RA report lymph node changes following treatment, and thus draining lymphatic vessels and nodes could represent a potential biomarker of arthritis activity and response to therapy. Most importantly, targeting lymphatics represents an innovative strategy for therapeutic intervention for RA”.

There are many ways to support the system. Eating quality foods, no packaged foods… drinking plenty of water and getting massages help (although I haven’t had massages specific to lymphatic support, I know massages in general with their kneading and long strokes must help and as I hydrate well after that’s a plus too). So I do all that. But getting regular exercise (preferably exercise that makes you really sweat) helps too. And regular sauna use is a big assist as well for it’s detoxing effects. And that my friends, is important information. I’ve lost my sauna rhythm and I’ve not been able to do much exercise (respiratory infection and mini flares from having taken my meds a day late). But this new understanding, as limited and as simple as it is, has shifted me once again.

I got back in my sauna. I began to dry brush my body. I drove to a favorite lake to walk. I once walked at that lake several times each week. I hadn’t been in years. And although I overlook a “lake” it only made me long for the real one… Yesterday morning and again this morning I went on my old walk. 5.1 miles. It took me exactly twice as long as it once did. I began to cry three times yesterday. But it came from a great sense of relief being there. I sat a time or two and I stopped and watched the ducks from a bridge. I felt warm and cool breezes and walked under and beside beautiful trees. And I know I could have gone to yoga and had myself a grand sweat, and I will do that during the week. But I felt I needed the emotional shift of returning to a place I felt effortless and strong. I need to rediscover the joy of moving my body versus the pride of just having moved it.

I will continue to return to the lake and move my body during the week and spend time in my sauna. And as I do I expect “at last” relief response I experienced from my three time “almost cry” that came, no doubt, from the desperate place my body resides now, will let go and it’ll embrace the empowerment that movement provides. One day that almost cry will wash away in the sweat.

Some may say that the walk is just a workout… health care. Some may say that dry brushing and the sauna are just a way to relax and exfoliate….self care. But I say they are one in the same. Self care IS health care.

If you don’t know what it is and appreciate simple visuals I hear ya.

If Acupuncture and Acupressure had a baby, it’d be Jin Shin Jyutsu. And I’ve only recently discovered it myself while listening to a podcast highlighting the work of Dr Lisa Saff Koche and at the time her book launch for Get Lit. She is doing incredible work in South Florida at Spectra Wellness. You can research her, buy her book, learn. I’m not here to replay all the nuggets but she spoke my language of body healing through health minded choice and lifestyle. I took notes.

A little background before I dig in…. When I was a very young girl my Father dabbled in holistic health practices of meditation and biofeedback (no fun for an active 6 year old), & acupressure. I liked the calming practice of breath work with tensing muscles and then relaxing to go to sleep even as a little girl and practiced it on my own with slight variations all through my life. But it would take my overwhelmingly painful periods during my preteen years for me to appreciate the acupressure (applying steady pressure to energy points on the body) he would practice on my heels to alleviate my pain. And it’s taken me until now to appreciate the meditation.

I also did dabble in acupuncture some years back. I didn’t feel any effects. Although relaxing in the moment, I didn’t feel much calmer overall. I witnessed no health shifts. But it was during a traumatic period of life so that likely played into the body response. I expect I’ll try it again one day. But not caring too much to gamble and caring a lot about finding modalities I could self practice Jin Shin Jyutsu sounded rather fascinating.

Acupuncture and Acupressure are each based on Eastern energy methodology of moving energy “Qi” (pronounced Chi) through the body. Science has shown our bodies are energy conductors so this should not sound all too foreign. It is understood that through stress, lifestyle, trauma energy becomes “blocked” and in turn physical, emotional & spiritual challenges are created. the longer the block exists, the more entrenched the issue. JSJ works directly alongside these modalities and is equally as ancient a modality, with focus on 26 main energy safety locks which are essentially locations for energy interchanges. It’s not invasive like acupuncture, not likely to cause any discomfort like acupressure can. The practitioner simply puts fingertips on two locations simultaneously which correspond to each other. The touch is held 2-5 minutes (or until needed) to feel the harmonizing of the energy pulse between them. Once harmony is established another connection can be focussed on. You have your shoes & jewelry off and clothes on. You can talk or be silent. You can fall asleep, meditate or listen to music which is likely playing…..you may feel something during the treatment, it might be felt in delay. It’s always interesting to me how energy work can be felt by the body in such a variety of ways. And the odd “aha’s” that can arise….super cool.

So of course I did a bit of googling and I bought a book and flash cards and I found a practitioner in my area. I did a hands on self treat when my hip flexors became acidic and the energy shift I felt put my head into a spin. And the discomfort released. So I was ready to lay back and experience a session with a true practitioner. And a couple days ago I had my first session. It was light and airy hour. My head became a bit “thick” like I had congestion…but I didn’t have any. A few times I could feel my heart beat in what felt like two locations and it thumped deep inside my body like it was in a cavern. It was very peaceful.

I made one stop after my session and had a sudden onset of sleepiness. Possibly a slight headache, or tension or heaviness/thickness in my head… but then again I couldn’t really put my finger on how I felt. I had a great lunch with steak and Brussel sprouts and my homemade  avocado ranch..I made the choice to hang at home versus heading to yoga studio. I couldn’t figure out what I wanted. I didn’t hold thoughts well. I seemed to only be present.

I was reminded of a time when our Australian Shepherd had fleas. And because her favorite spot was pushed up against the screen door of my Fathers office, that room got fleas too. So hearing about how you could use a blend of Eucalyptus oil and water to rid the fleas without chemicals, we gave her a good bath with that added and we used a spray bottle to spray the office…. and presto….fleas gone. But the poor dog didn’t recognize the scent of her spot anymore and out of habit she’d head to a location and circle to plop down and got confused….you could almost hear her wonder if she was lost.  That’s how I felt. As though there was a habit, a rhythm I was forgetting to remember.

And later, when I took time in my sauna with my Insight Meditation app in play, I had an amazing “thought free” meditation. Words were just simply not my thing. Again a memory to relate. I talked with my hands as a kid; still do. But when I was young they were up in front of my face and I moved my arms like a dramatic Italian in a movie. Mother couldn’t get me to stop, and one day in the midst of a story she grabbed my hands and held them down… I lost my thoughts. I lost my memory of what I had been saying…this is how I was relating to words. I thought I knew what I was intending to think about but I couldn’t put my language to it.

I also limboed between feeling tired and feeling rested but calm. Not quite either one at any given time. I went to bed at 10. If you know me, you know this is past my bedtime. And when I woke the next morning at 6am I chose to do a meditation and after made the choice to lay there until my alarm went off 45 minutes later….I was going to do what I refer to as a “feeling visualization”.  I’ll write on that some other time. But I fell back asleep, turned off my alarm somehow and woke at 8:45! I was probably in high school last time something like that happened. And motivation kept it’s distance all day…..I couldn’t tell you what I did the rest of the day.

Today, after going to bed at 11 pm last night- I know, crazy wild for me- I do have a bit of get up and go and I did go to yoga. I did take time to sauna and meditate. But something is different. I’m neither tired nor rested. I’m not thought-full nor thought-less. I feel void of habit. I feel a disconnect to my current every-day and somehow connected to my dream-day. My body feels “different” but not sure quite how. My back popped when I did my floor twist (and it hasn’t in ages) so something must have shifted in my internal flow.

The curious thing about JSJ is that it’s not a diagnostic modality, although there are energy flows that support specific benefits. It’s all about harmony. And once found, then maintained, there are benefits that emerge. Better sleep, less discomfort and pain. Better focus, less directionless-ness. It is known to support a state of presence….I can attest.

It is said that results are more significant when sessions are bundled. Especially if there is a specific issue you are working toward healing. I’ll go once per month this and next and will have 4 treatments in 5 days when I vacation in May. I have the tools to self practice in the interim for general maintenance and am interested to see the impact I have supporting self for now and what shift will occur in May when I bundle the sessions.

If you are afraid of needles, &/or dislike massages, but really are looking for something that can provide some healing support- whether that be from stress, illness or otherwise. I would strongly advise looking into JSJ. It’s a subtle but powerful artful modality.

I am excited for it to be part of my healing journey.

From the many months of my not sleeping more than 1 1/2 – 2 hours at a time it’s not surprising to anyone that my adrenals were challenged. So back in mid August 2018 my cold brew was pushed to the back of the fridge and my hot brew coffee beans (being Mother’s favorite as well) were only in the cupboard for her regular visits, when I think I took deeper breaths just to smell it longer. But I’ve progressed.

I sleep now. Regularly. And I wake rested. I slept nearly 12 hours again last night! I’ve introduced a few foods without set back ( sesame , citrus, cashews ) and thought it might be a safe time to try out some coffee/tea. Both were eliminated on the AIP elimination (decaf or otherwise). And I’ve found that although I don’t need caffeine to wake up and get my engine running, I miss the ritual. So I made a cup of hot coffee one morning recently and my stomach got acidic. I had to take some digestive enzymes and peppermint pills to feel better. Not going that route again soon.

So I thought about tea. Matcha tea. I used to get the Matcha Green Tea Frapp at the cultural coffee mecca…..did you know there are 65 grams of sugar in it? Ouch! And that’s not even the largest option on the menu (and the size I always chose). I thought I could mix in a good bit of coconut milk (healthy fat) and ease into some caffeine. I didn’t want to spend my morning shaking over my keyboard and matcha has a quarter the caffeine of coffee. On top of that, I could control the sugar.

But there are ever greater benefits. Matcha is chock full of nutrients. It has flavanoids such as catechins which are in high number and are also antioxidants that protect our cellular structure and integrity. They fight dis-ease. Add to that, the caffeine doesn’t shoot into your system the way black coffee does creating a glucose spike and thus a “high and a crash”. Glucose instability from those spikes come with issues of anxiety, hunger, lack of concentration. Insulin resistance is impacted and if you have weight loss goals to go along with your health goals that’ll be challenged as well. Glucose instability is a must avoid on a health journey. Just another vote for team matcha.

Matcha is known for the “long high” of calm mental clarity. Your acuity enhances smoothly (meaning its caffeine doesn’t “hit” you like coffee does- the high). Nor does it abandon you without a moment of notice- the crash. Matcha is the Steady Eddie of caffeine. The impact is slow to grab hold and extends for some time. This is a result of the caffeine binding to the phytonutrients (plant nutrients that support health).

It might be considered an acquired taste. It’s earthy. But mixed with something rich like coconut milk and coconut cream I have found it to be quite the treat. And being the preferred tea of Japanese tea ceremonies I see no better option to honor the ritual of a hot drink to begin a morning.

I have found matcha-do about matcha.

They say that when you are in a ketogenic state “you know” because of the lack of hunger (or “hangry” behavior) and the endless energy. But having been a person who could disassociate from hunger and exhaustion, I have been unable to sense when I’m in nutritional ketosis. I’ve thought I was feeling fine and certainly in ketosis and didn’t measure in at all, and other times I thought for sure I wasn’t only to discover I was. Those ketones- I’m just not able to put a feeling on them.

But alkalinity….that’s another story. I know when I am and when I’m not and it’s only been a couple weeks that I’ve even had a focus on it. the most predominant tell-tale is that I have a slight feeling of tummy bloat when I’m acidic. Even when there is not visual of such. And there is another “feeling” that goes along with the bloat but it’s not something I can quite put an adjective to. I just feel “off”. But as I’ve guessed ahead of the test I’ve not been more than a measure of .25 off. Pretty good I’d say. I spent two days under fluorescent lights as a trainee this past week and with all the good juice and food that has kept me alkalized without the lights, I became acidic. And there was a point on the second day where the lights were turned off to view a video and my entire body relaxed. I have to admit I had not clued into how tight my body was util those lights went off but I will never forget it. And I will also not forget all the sighs of relief that I head around me…I bet there are countless people who have the same sensitivity I do and are unaware.

I’ve also learned that treadmill use/elliptical machines can also have an effect. Especially for those of us with EMF sensitivity. There have been studies that have shown that insulin levels increased for those who used electronic machines for workouts which undermined the health benefits. But for those who “touched the earth” so to speak..by walking, running, yoga etc did not have that inulin spike. Interesting. Glad I’m back in the yoga studio and that it’s beginning to become spring so I can take a walk from time to time.

Speaking of getting back to the studio. After last week’s over-indulgence I attended a standard 60 minute hot flow yesterday and although I made a few modifications I did well. And this week I’ll begin the slow process of building up my practice back to the five times each week that I once enjoyed. Yoga gives me a feeling too. One I have adjectives for….satisfied, energized, proud, strong, peaceful. But there is also the umami of adjectives that although is clearly there…is indescribable…a spiritual mist of sort; for both being in a state of alkalinity and for my yoga practice. And once you get a taste of it, you want it all you can.

What do they say about the path paved with good intentions? So do I. And it’s true.

What a week. I wrote about keeping my goals and vision within sight. And although my vision board has put a smile on my face; this week I woke every day thinking it was the next and I accomplished less than intended. I  had no control and struggled find any sense of balance or to get alkalized. But though my tracking I have begun to see a trend. Although I’m not staying in an alkalized state yet but I’m learning what it takes and hopefully these next few weeks see me stabilize.

Then along came Saturday….I planned to attend a 90 minute progression yoga class (and I did). Thirty minutes of core focus, then hot yoga, then hot flow. I hadn’t done this progression in nearly a year and was proud I had done as well as I did. And then it was announced that a special Yin Yoga class was next. I stayed. I know Yin Yoga is not easy but it’s restorative and I thought it’d be good to allow my body to stretch after 90 minutes of workout time. And if I was in better shape (far better- let me be honest) I think the class would have been wonderful. The three major postures are all on my 19 for 19 goals….so right up my alley. But I’m not able to get into the deep stretches so it was stressful (and I found that I become very acidic after a workout). And after sitting in the sauna, cleaning up and getting a good meal in me- I was good for nothing else. I thought it was late and saw it was 6:30…. So tired. And this morning I woke up just shy of alkaline, surprising to me as I’d dropped to quite an acidic state….and I had such tension in my upper shoulders….I’ve been up 10 hours and it’s not released yet. I have a sauna and an epsom bath in my near future.

But here’s the amazing thing. Take out the drop into acidic post workout, my body has not struggled as hard with alkalinity as I would have expected in this stressful week. I have tracked my food, my sleep and stress levels of my days and so far what it appears is that fat and greens are my real key.

My body does pretty well with juices that are citrus driven (as long as there is ginger or lemon). But it does even better with green juices (& even better if there is lemon & ginger included). Notice a juice trend? And although I do fine with protein, I do best when I have smaller amounts per sitting. So my bottom line is, start the day with green juice (or a coconut milk matcha oddly enough- I think it’s the high fat that works for this) a bit of protein, a good amount of veggies with a lot of healthy fat… And when I mix that with good sleep I test alkalized.

Back to basics….. real food, not too much…… healthy fats, some quality protein…sleep and stress management = balance. Inside and out.

And so here is looking at progress in this upcoming month. I did measure and weigh on the 1st (the only time I do) and I did drop 3 pounds and two inches last month. Who knows if it was one special something or a mix..but knowing I’m back in the yoga studio, I’m increasing the green quotient and keeping those healthy fats on my plate. I’m still meditating in the sauna and putting sleep high on my priority list. So whether it’s one or all of these, odds are leaning strongly in my favor for healing & health. As long as I can hold the reins of my own waking hours.

Balance…not a goal for the faint of heart. Also not a goal lacking for change.

How do you incorporate new routines and goals into a life that is just now leaning in to a rhythm? I have the soul of a wanderer but the life of a settler. Overcoming auto immunity seems best supported by the settler. The predictable relieves stress right? Right. Except for when it doesn’t.

My dream is to wander while always tethered to my roots of home. Home has always been fluid to me. It was where I was at the time. And today, although I live long where I land I rent every moment here. My haven is not mine. And wanderlust is setting in. So knowing I’m physically rooted here in my rented home. What do I do? What do I do that is shift enough to be change, but still keeps with my vision for stability towards healing?

Enter creative expression. Vision board above my door…always within my sightline. It’s weekday yoga practice to give expression to expressionless work days. It’s a new book. It’s writing. It’s allowing deeper awareness of what my body reacts to so I can either experience it more often or adjust it for better well being. Little changes.

But I’ve also changed up a little something in order to gain stability. Alkalinity testing.

Dis-ease cannot survive in an alkalized environment. So test strips in hand I’m monitoring my bodies response to food variety, sleep (quality or not), hunger, stressful days (which might be a standard ‘ol day but one that I’ve acclimated to as the norm), lighting….I’m sensitive to EMF and fluorescent lighting kicked my butt last week. I’ve discovered how quickly my body will alkaline and how quickly it will go acidic again. Instability…. the villain of settler. The friend of dis-ease.

Somehow I am all too familiar with stability and it’s alter ego….the acidic and the alkalized. I will find my footing between. I have my sights on the vision my dreams are made of. Health, healing, happiness.

Self care has been a priority and will forever continue to be. My body has claimed it’s spot of #1 and no amount of my mental distraction will drop it lower on the list.

Case in point, I’m having a long weekend and fortunately completed all the obligatory “must do” items ahead of the actual weekend. Always great to have two days off with nothing to do. But my sleep was average most of the week even though I woke up believing I was rested.  I wasn’t. And it just caught up to me.

I met with a friend for a couple hours and had planned to attend a 90 minute yoga class this afternoon. But I’m home. Mid afternoon the left side of my jaw began to tighten and lock. I know what happens now….challenges eating and only rest and time will mend.

My body IS healing. The lifestyle changes I’ve made for balance in diet, work, sleep for overall health, I know have had noticeable positive changes. And with the addition of a new medicine I feel the support both by allopathic and naturopathic means.  But I still have R.A. and it’s developed a fondness for my jaw. This is where my first flares were. As early as high school I’d get a locked jaw one side at a time. Standard M.O of R.A. is mirroring flares. I didn’t know why and didn’t attempt to discover. I thought I likely tightened my jaw in sleep; and as the locks happened when I was in the midst of or just past a period of stress it made sense. Today, I think it’s just my body not being in a stable rhythm of balance.

My week was very easy but it’s the sleep that is biting me this round. Average sleep is simply not enough for a healing body. I need Type A+ over-achiever sleep. 9-10 hours. Maybe more. And I feel I’ll need it for a while before my body ceases it’s demands. That saying “I’ll sleep when I die” will never apply. I’d be apt to say “without sleep I’ll die early”.

I’ll probably speak often about sleep. It is the only genuine reset time your body has. It’s when your organs and your brain wash away toxins. Essential for a healthy body and a healing one alike. I’ve been waking up about 3 am lately and that is a sign of cortisol spike. Under stress your liver will create more glycogen which will result in glucose levels rising and that can wake you up (even when you aren’t eating a bunch of sugar- or any at all). You can essentially have a sugar high while in slumber….ending it. Your body creates glucose, void of our consumption of it, when it’s needed. Maybe my body feeling better and my excitement to get back into more physical movement has been a bit of a shock to my body even though it’s craved movement for so long. And for the past couple weeks I’ve noticed my ring fingers are a bit more stiff. I know I’m also reintroducing foods too (lemon last week and cashew this); but I’ve noticed they are stiffer when I’m tired. It’s not the food… it’s the lack of rest.

So tonight it’s sauna time. Salmon & roasted veggies (cut small so I can get them in my mouth) and bed. I’ll take my GABA and my Passion Flower….the GABA stops my brain from chattering and the Passion Flower allows me to stay asleep (or go right back with ease if I do wake for some reason). The phone will be on airplane mode as it is each night and the alarm will not be set.

I’ve said it before that my job is to listen to my body. Tonight, it leads… and I will happily follow.

I slept 11 1/2 hours last night. I would punctuate that with an exclamation point if I were still not still stunned. Was I really that tired? Am I more than tired? Exhausted? Shouldn’t I, wouldn’t I, know that? I had a pretty easy week. Busy yes; but easy. On Friday I had little to do and all day to do it and I was surprised with the opportunity to leave at noon for a surprise half day with pedicure. My adrenaline up and my systems down,  I task pushed uphill for 3 hours….and then I relaxed. Heated aromatherapy neck pillow draped over me, massage chair rolling across my back, a leg massage, manicure and pedicure and just over an hour with my phone out of sight and my eyes mostly closed. Ahhhhh….

Afterward, I ran a couple errands ahead of the weekend. I had a wonderful dinner. I sat in my near infrared sauna for 20 minutes and cozied up with my DVR for some entertainment. And wondering how far past my bedtime I had stayed up, discovered it was 7:10 pm. Whoa. I thought to push to stay up thinking if I went to be too early I’d wake up too early (I generally love early mornings but just wasn’t looking for one) but my eyes… gravity pulled them closed and I threw out the white flag at 7:30. I had nobody to prove anything to by staying up so I got all tucked in and am certain I was asleep at 7:45 due to the relaxation mediation I do each night to keep my legs from twitching. And I awoke to sunlight through my blinds. It was 7:15… A.M.!

I do all the things you are supposed to do to encourage sleep. I stay hydrated. I avoid caffeine. I eat clean and healthy and my dinners are not overindulgent (big meals = lots to digest and that can interrupt quality sleep). I am even back to some physical movement. Far from bragging I am enjoying one 30 minute hot yoga session each week. But what I think has happened is due to a domino effect.

My dedication to heal my body by activating the parasympathetic nervous system (rest and digest) is kicking in. These past few months I’ve begun to sleep after months of deprivation. I thought the sleep I was experiencing was “normal” and “healthy”. Guess not.  I do admit that I wondered how I was able to function on 7-8 hours when in best health I had alway needed 9. But I thought maybe it was age. Was that the reason for the foggy brain too? Or was that lack of sleep? Could be either- or both. When does sleep begin to shift? And does it always shift? I don’t have those answers. It’s something I’ll be reading up on. And I’ll likely share discovered wisdom. I’m curious to know how I could be so tired and so ignorant of it even with my focus on rest. But my body is speaking….. it wants more sleep. So what I”m dong first is listening. ZZZZZZZZZZZ

I began the week with the assumption it was going to be easy and carefree. Possibly boring. But the days had fumble after fumble- hiccup after hiccup. I found myself distracted and non-purposeful. Reacting through the hours until I stumbled into Friday. And that evening I was unable to “switch off” and switch on self care.  Shortly before bed I realized I had forgotten to sauna. It was the first time this month I have not made sure to take that time at least three days of the week. I felt I had failed. I debated… had I remembered early enough to go ahead? I had not. My self care Friday night became the decision to not push. Staying up later than my body was open for only to stay on schedule to sauna would undermine the intent of what the sauna was for. Disappointing. But on the other hand, a win for going against my “devotion to the list” A+ personality and allowing myself to rest.

But I see how allowing focus to drift of my needs effected me. My body felt this wobbly week. My sleep was off. My dreams were off. My gut was off. My patience minimal.My thoughts and comprehension scattered and weak.  I wasn’t satiated with meals. I was craving roasted Delicata squash like an addict. Have been for a bit in truth….but this week it interrupted thought. And sure, there are worse addictions than those for squash. But listening to a short podcast today I was slapped with the logic that those starchy Delicata squash hold a good amount of natural sugars. Is that what has me craving sweets lately? I’m a savory craver versus sweets…but those roasted squash taste like toasted marshmallows to me….. Well those starchy veggie sugars my body uses as fuel before it uses the excess fat. And becoming a fat burner is what I see my healing to gain momentum through. So it’ll be all the greens and cruciferous veggies for a while- beginning now. The Delicata and I have had a good run. But it’s time to part ways. And revise food habits.

This year is about creating habits and although many are to support creative endeavors; there is equal attention to self care. I have learned that healing & creativity do not thrive without self care. So each day I must remember to keep a side eye on that regardless of what else demands my attention. Again, I take note of the Delicata…. it’s crave-able sweet and keeps me off balance by distraction. Undermines self care for certain.

When I look at what I have laid out as my weekly/monthly goal for nurturing and healing my self it could be overwhelming. If I put time to it I’d find it a part time side hustle. But as I think on things this healing journey is preparing me for a life where I am a priority- for me and for those who will become part of my trusted circle….my tribe. A worthy investment of my time. I say that what one thinks about it brought about. And if I am unable to find a rhythm to honoring and nurturing of me….who else will?

No judgements. Just rambling observations.

What “sweet addictions” keep you from nurturing your self? Cleaning? I love a clean and organized surrounding and have used it as a distraction countless times. Binging entertainment? Just as strong a distraction. Food? Ditto. Gardening? Again with the ditto. Socializing? Those times with others can keep the focus outward versus inward…. and self is sacred. Maybe you are ripe for a few observations as well.